i was going to upload a picture but, apparently, i’m too techno-challenged to remember how to do that. something about parent directories, which is like talking to me in Sumerian. *sigh* i’ll have to write about my victorious morning instead.
i woke up just in time to medicate moe, which he loved but forgave me as soon as i set his breakfast on the floor. i was craving a mocha so, a year after i purchased for $1 at a yard sale, i dusted off my Bialetti and brewed up some espresso. mix cocoa powder, sugar and espresso, add a dollop of half & half and voila! crack in a cup.
i served it up in the lone surviving coffee cup from the china set that my dad & mom got for their wedding, a gorgeous and simple design with a black edge on the plates and silver accents. i put that on a tray with the book i just started and headed back to bed, where i sipped my crack and read. a blissfully relaxing sunday morning.
i was in the middle of a sentence when i realized how many people had contributed to my current state. thank you to:
Dad, for saving the china for me until i could appreciate it; Uncle John, for the coffee grinder; Deb, for selling the Bialetti; Melissa, for the book i just finished, which led me to the book i’m reading now; Lis, for the luscious candle; Jim & Sue, for offering me such a great apartment; and Moe, for inadvertently forcing me to stay at home all weekend.
the irony is that, while a huge network of various relationships has brought me to where and who i am, i’ve just started a book titled Lonely, by Emily White, a memoir of the author’s experience with loneliness. i’m only 21 pages into it and have already started taking notes. this morning, i’m not lonely. i’m enjoying my solitude and the opportunities that it affords me: to spend some time reading, to post on my blog for the first time in 5 months, to allow myself to rest. who’s to say what will come later? i could continue to enjoy it or i could be overcome with a sense of isolation and wonder how, with so many friends, i could possibly feel so alone.
that thought stopped me in my tracks for a good five minutes and i sat here, trying to think of what to write next. the trouble is that i can only bare my soul a sliver at a time before my protective instincts kick in and, literally, force my brain to go blank. no thoughts = no further vulnerability. being honest about one’s state of mind/general existence is terrifying and consumes energy at an alarming rate. so, i’ll toddle off to the rest of my day and keep my other secrets for exposure at a later time.
it’s good to be back.